Before Baby/After Baby

July 11, 2010

Before Baby (BB): A nice meal involves wine, sparkling conversation, and maybe a decadent shared dessert

After Baby (AB): A nice meal involves you and your partner eating at the same time rather than in shifts, or with one hand while the other bounces your screaming infant

**

BB: You select your clothes based on cost, style, and fit

AB: You select your clothes based on what best camouflages spit-up breast milk

**

BB: A night in which you sleep for 5 hours leaves you feeling wretched

AB: A night in which you sleep for 5 hours leaves you feeling triumphant

**

BB: You envision your newborn as a tiny (albeit incontinent) version of you and your partner

AB: You discover that your newborn is in many ways more akin to a volatile drunk, complete with irrational outbursts of anger, indignation, and belching

**

BB: Your interaction with bodily fluids (both yours and those of others) is blissfully minimal

AB: You are astounded on a daily basis at a) what comes out of both ends of your baby, b) the force at which it all exits, and c) how much of it you wind up wearing

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