Preggo Incognito…Really?

May 21, 2010

I got my teeth cleaned this morning. Before she got down to business with her picks and scrapers, the hygienist reviewed my chart and noticed I hadn’t had x-rays in over a year. “We’ll do them after the cleaning,” she announced. Fine with me – I figured that’s what the magical lead apron was for, and the Olive is pretty much fully cooked at this point anyway. A little stray radiation might even boost the odds of her getting some superpowers; maybe she’ll be able to see through walls.

Twenty minutes later, the cleaning is over and she’s handing me off to the x-ray tech. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant!” my hygienist exclaims. “Um, yep,” I say, not sure how she’s managed to miss this salient fact until now – I didn’t think I’d been all that cagey about it. She immediately defers my x-rays until after the baby is born and sends me on my way.

I know I’m not quite as enormous as some women are at this point in their pregnancies – I am delighted that I can still tie my own shoes and cut my own toenails (Eric, who would surely have been pressed into service on one or both counts, is even more excited) – but still:

a) I’m due in less than a month

b) I weigh nearly 200 lbs., most of it bloat and belly

c) The hygienist was working in close proximity to said belly for the better part of a half hour

d) I’m wearing one of those smocklike shirts with the little tie around the ribcage that the non-pregnant aren’t generally drawn to, unless they want a lot of extra room to pooch out after a big meal

Maybe the good people at Aspen Dental are, as their commercials imply, so thrilled to “see you smile” that they completely block out everything below the neck. I may come in wearing a headless gorilla suit next time around and see if anyone notices.

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2 Responses to “Preggo Incognito…Really?”


  1. […] (gesturing vaguely at my stomach, clearly much too observant to work at Aspen Dental): Hey, […]


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