The Dudes’ Guide To Pregnancy

January 11, 2010

I have discovered the male equivalent to Vicki Iovine’s highly irritating The Girlfriends’ Guide To Pregnancy. It is The Dudes’ Guide To Pregnancy, and it makes Iovine look like Updike.

The Foreword begins as follows:

Welcome to the first sentence of the most important book you’ll ever read in your whole entire life. We are The Dudes.

I don’t really need to go on…but what the hell:

p. 3: Women’s pregnancy books are all about women appreciating their new selves, celebrating their sebaceous glands, savoring their stretch marks, exalting in their expanding asses. The Dudes frown strongly upon such I’m-okay, you’re-okay psychobabble.

p. 8: Miscarriage, or “divine abortion,” is an almost inevitable part of early pregnancy…What makes it so strange is your almost certain disconnect from the entire situation. Sure you’re upset, but only because your wife is upset.

p. 11: Do you ever hear sounds in the middle of the night, sounds you can’t explain?…These are the sounds of one of your mother-in-law’s favorite nighttime activities: rummaging through your garbage, your financial records, and even the bed you’re lying in. She’s that good.

Unlike math-challenged Vicki, they’ve got a firm grip on the fact that a full-term 40-week pregnancy is 9 months rather than 10 (p. 5). So they’ve got that going for them. But it isn’t nearly enough.


One Response to “The Dudes’ Guide To Pregnancy”

  1. kegal Says:

    Wonderful post!, you just need to make certain that you are all set, that you possess what it takes to take care your small little angel.

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