Check Your Fluids?

December 10, 2009

I swear, there is never more interest in your basic bodily functions than when you’re pregnant. Every time I go to the ob/gyn they make me pee in a cup. They make all of us pregnant ladies pee in cups, actually – I know this because the receptionist’s desk is littered with a little pile of handwritten sticky name labels that she riffles through and hands out along with our cups when we check in for an appointment.

(As an aside, remember that time you went to the doctor’s office and they asked for a urine sample, and you couldn’t give them one right away because you didn’t have to go? This is never a problem when you’re pregnant, as you always have to go. I am, fortunately, getting a lot more exercise these days as I’m now doing about a dozen upstairs/downstairs bedroom/bathroom circuits every night between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. Maybe I should incorporate some dumbbell curls for my arms.)

I don’t know if it works this way everywhere, but we don’t get those official clear plastic urine cups with the screw-on caps. We get little dixie cups that always make me feel like I’m clutching an apple juice shooter at a child’s birthday party. What’s kind of cool, however, is that there’s a little tiny door in the wall of the bathroom where you leave your cup when you’re done. Some mysterious person then opens the door on the other side and whisks it away. I think they check it for protein and sugar, neither of which they want to find. (If anyone’s found anything untoward in my pee so far, they’re not saying.)

In addition to all the pee checks, I also get monthly blood tests for a pre-existing thyroid condition. If you’ve ever had blood drawn, you know that the difference between “quick pinch” and “pincushion” lies solely in the skill of the person at the other end of the syringe. Fortunately, ace phlebotomist Linda is normally the one manning the lab when I get there – she’s the quickest draw in the west.

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