I Think I’m Going To Like It Here

November 28, 2009

I’m reviewing the maternity section of our local hospital’s website, and it’s surprisingly warm and reassuring. “There is nothing to be afraid of,” the site reports. “We are here to help you through this exciting and challenging time.”

I am particularly impressed with the “meals and nutrition services” section:

We’re ready to pamper you – with room service, our Stork Club Take Home Meal, and our afternoon Dessert Cart stacked high with fresh baked goodies.

Our At Your Request Room Service Program allows you to order what you want, when you want it. You may select your meal preferences from the menu provided to you in your room. Just dial extension 3663 (FOOD), and a dietary staff member will take your order. Your order will be verified according to your physician prescribed diet order and prepared according to your specifications. Your meal will then be delivered to your bedside within 45 minutes.

Goodness. I don’t think we enjoyed such attentive service even on our honeymoon cruise.

I’m embarrassed to admit that my biggest fear about labor and delivery is not pain, or complications, but being ravenously hungry and told that I can have only ice chips (which are not nearly as satisfying as chips of the potato or chocolate variety). I’m not going to do well with that, particularly if Eric sneaks off (as is certainly his right) for a meatball sub between contractions. I can envision an ugly commandeering of the afternoon dessert cart, stuffing myself with all the fresh baked goodies I can grab before being forcibly restrained.

(It’s a comfort to know that at least our first child will be allowed to enter the world in this fine facility, sneaking in just before my lifetime ban is imposed.)

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